Random Thoughts

It has been called to my attention that friends of a friend have entered into some sort of marriage pact.  Let me explain as best I can.  There are three dudes involved, two of them 30 and one 28.  Apparently one of the members was so upset when he turned 30 because he didn't have a girlfriend and had no romantic prospects at all.  This apparently served as some kind of "wake up call" to him to get his ass in gear and find a wife.  I'm not talking about starting to seriously look for someone to eventually marry.  No, that would make sense.  His objective is to be engaged or married before the year is through.  I am not sure how much the other two guys had to do with the plan but they both signed on to do the same thing.  So these single guys that just turned 30 (and in one case 28) are so terrified of being alone for the rest of their lives that they want someone right now.

This pact is a bad idea for so many reasons.  One: it treats the institution of marriage lightly and with little respect.  Oh well, hoards of people do that all the time.  Just look at all the quickie marriages and divorced couples.  It is really doing a disservice to those involved, though.  They are so dead set on finding someone within a specific time frame that the best option available will do.  It takes a long time to know someone, sometimes years.  People aren't truly themselves in the beginning of the relationship.  They are still trying to represent the best self they can, hiding their flaws and quirks.  Those imperfections often either endear the person more to you or put you off.  Anyone will tell you that the real meat- for lack of a better word- of a relationship is what happens after the honeymoon phase.  Sometimes you don't like what see once all the pleasantries slowly melt away. 

Then there's the idea of settling.  You know the whole cliché of Ms. Right and Ms. Right Now?  That applies here.  They are so anxious to meet this quota that they will pursue marriage with the first decent girl that they manage to get past the first couple of dates with.  Who's to say that that first decent girl that meets all the requirements is actually a good match?  I've been with some good guys whose company I have enjoyed but never really had that connection with and because of that I left the relationship to pursue something more meaningful.  Very few people are lucky enough to meet that person they want to share their lives with as soon as they start looking.  That's another thing.  In looking so seriously that desperation may put people off.  If one of these men were to pursue me and I found out about this pact, I would probably stop dating him as soon as possible.  Their desire to get married by a deadline would show that they were not really wanting to get to know me on any deep level.  They just want to achieve that goal and I am just some acceptable candidate that came along at the right time.

On the other hand, why am I making such a big deal?  After reading this blog collectively written by all three guys, I am in awe of just how amazingly picky they are.  Well, the main contributor is A and he totally rebuffed a girl because she did not know who was playing in the Super Bowl.  Seriously?  Not knowing that does not make you stupid (in my book, it makes you awesome but I'll not argue about that).  If he writes her off because sports are so goddamn important to him and she doesn't share his enthusiasm, I say that's pretty lame.  Couples don't have to share all the same passions.  I have designated people in my life to do all kinds of activities with and don't expect my significant other to partake in.  What if she's super busy and not able to keep up with football but actually does like football?  What if she's never gotten into football but would love watching it with him and his buddies?  There are other little comments he makes that shows just how fucking intolerant he really is.  How is he going to settle down by the end of the year if he gives up on each girl who doesn't meet his crazy unrealistically high standards?  What's he going to do, start off the year being picky and end it with a desperate mad dash to the finish line with whoever is around?  And who the hell is he to be so high and mighty?  I understand having standards when it comes to a mate.  Some qualities and things in common are important.  However, I've dated guys outside of my normal make and model and had very meaningful relationships because they were able to contribute new things to my life and- in some cases- taught me that my standard was wrong or unfair.

I sorta met one of the guys involved in this pact (not A unfortunately) and he was pleasant enough and polite.  He's a good college friend of a friend of mine.  The friend we share is a keenly intelligent mostly skeptical guy.  It's hard to believe that he could relate to anyone who would take any sort of bad romcom pact seriously.  From the impression I got of this dude, I'm pretty surprised too.  This is a nerdy grad from a very elite college, not some hopeless romantic. (dimestore psychoanalysis) I'm guessing he is a geeky guy who has had limited girlfriend experience and why bother?  There's enough internet porn to suffice him getting his rocks off without the effort of actually courting a real girl with insecurities and imperfections.  Now he's the big 30 and he arrogantly thinks because he has been so easily successful in all other aspects of his life that he will excel in picking out the right girl in such a short amount of time.  Whatever!  He's not smart enough to know that life doesn't work like that.

So these three jackholes are chronicling this search for love and marriage on a cutesy website.  It's not badly done.  They do a couple of interesting things like incorporating chats with friends and descriptions of all the players in their lives.  I have entirely too much free time and have read the entire website.  What do they expect to accomplish with this site?  What kind of feedback are they getting (they only post the supportive stuff)?  I have a theory that they are going to do some kind of Virginity Hit type thing where they create this online internet journal that they may turn into a documentary.  Some people will jump on this bandwagon and call it "refreshing" that guys are the ones looking for love.  They'll think it is a clever twist that guys are the ones coming up with this marriage pact.  Boo, I say and for all the many reasons I've listed.  I know it's nasty but I hope they fail miserably and learn at the end of the year that they are no closer to true love and are a little humbled by this failure.

I'll be reading your progress, boys.  Date on.

And no, I'm not going to post a link to their website because I don't want to be bothered by any of these guys.