Random Thoughts

Growing up, I was always the kid with the pretty mom.  It got a weird reaction form my peers.  They kind of respected me for having the prettiest mom but at the same time it baffled them.  They would ask, "how could she be your mom?"  How could someone that hot bring about a troll like me?  I never told my mother about it but she instinctively knew I was far from the most popular kid.  She tried to help by coming to school and doing demonstrations.  My mom is a science brainiac and teaches Chemistry, Chemistry II, Anatomy and Physiology, AP Biology and Physics.  In her storage room she had all kinds of animals in formaldehyde, everything from sharks to birds.  She decided to bring these dead creatures to my class and show them to the first grade kids.  Her and her preserved animals were beloved by everyone.  The kids had such a good time that we all drew pictures as thanks for my mom.  Now I was the kid with the pretty, awesome mom.  She was more popular than ever and I was not.

Truth is, my mom really is pretty and awesome.  She grew up very poor in the deep south.  What little money the family had was spread thin between her parents and her two sisters.  This caused my mom to vow that if she had a child it would be with a man who had financial means much greater than what she had growing up.  And- most importantly- she would only have one child.  She wanted to focus all her love and undivided attention on her son or daughter.  She would be warm, attentive and educational- everything she thought her mother wasn't.  

From the time I was born, she and I became a unit.  We had our own book club, went to movies, had road trips.  We did all that we were capable of doing in such a small Southern town.  She was my idol.  She was not afraid to be a woman and be smarter than all the men around her and not too shy to be witty and make people laugh.  While the other moms seemed reserved, she was lively, outgoing and amusing.  I never ceased to be amazed at my luck to be raised by such an amazing woman.

She has her quirks for sure:

She hates bowling, though I am sure she has never once been bowling.  I was not allowed near the bowling alley even though my friends often had bowling themed parties.  When probed what was so bad about bowling, she'd shake her head with frustration, "It's just so common."  I'd ask her to define common and she'd say it was for "trailer folk" and it was "just so Polack".  As a child I accepted this as a plausible explanation but as I got older I realized how blatantly offensive that stuff was.  Rich people bowl too.  And polack?  My mom has never met someone of Polish descent in her entire life, let alone anyone from Poland .  It's my grandmother's negative opinion of Poles that has colored that perception.

She wouldn't allow me to read kids books except when I was under two.  She thought that they would be a waste of my time.

She is possibly the worst cook in America.  She cannot make Kraft blue box macaroni and cheese.  It will come out as uncooked noodles in a sea of orange water.  Once she baked a pie so inedible that people were excusing themselves to spit it out.

She always focusses on the most minute detail of a movie and gets really bothered by it.  For example, in the movie Good Will Hunting, Will and his friends are at a little league game when they run into some old rivals.  A fight ensues and Will gets in trouble with the law.  My mom waits until the movie is over and turns to me, "What do you think the deal is with them being at a little league game?"  I say, "I dunno.  It's Boston and there's a lot of neighborhood pride?  Maybe they know those kids from the block."  She shook her head and was convinced that something was suspect about grown men going to a children's game when they weren't related to the children.

She also had issues with Tim Burton's Batman.  When that movie came out, I was stoked to see it and bought all the merchandise I could find.  We eagerly went to see it the first day it came out.  It did not disappoint me and I left the movie ranking it among my favorite movies.  My mom pinched her face and said she did not like it.  She felt that it was too dark and Batman was too tortured.  "Why can't he just fight crime and have a lot of fun?"  I told her that she wanted Adam West and not the actual Batman story because his dark side is an integral part of the character.

She is ridiculously pretentious and over pronounces foreign words.  In the morning sometimes I would eat a Croissan'Wich from Burger King.  She'd always order a "qua-sahn" in an exaggerated French accent.  One day, the worker on the other end of the drive thru was very confused, "Wha?"  My mom continued to say croissant in that cheesy French voice louder and more slowly until the voice in the intercom said, "Oh, a Croissan'Wich!"  My mother shuddered at the bastardization of the word and muttered as if it ripped her apart inside to say it, "Yes, a Croissan'Wich!"

I know there really isn't a "normal" in this world but there are people that come closer to that societal expectation than others.  Every member of my family is kooky in their own right.  Mostly, they are kooky in good and bad ways.  Some of the "bad" ways are so unique to them that they aren't even bad but endearing.  I have friends with somewhat normal moms who don't have some of the eccentricities and imperfections of my mother.  I'd never trade her if I could somehow rewind time and replace her.  Just knowing her has been one of the most valuable experiences in my life.  Her selflessness and devotion mean the world to me and I am proud to see her in many of my good qualities.